Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
