Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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