When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
