Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
zippers are such a cool invention
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
