Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
