Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So much rum. So many feels.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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