I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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