Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Bring me that man meat
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
