i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Pooping to opera.
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