the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
