STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
