3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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