dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize