My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
