Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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