About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
