Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
