New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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