you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just had sex on a roof
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
