Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize