I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
