3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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