I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize