Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
