Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
