In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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