Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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