i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
