my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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