Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
