dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
