my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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