You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
