Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
