I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
