he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
