I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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