One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
