Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize