spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
