her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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