so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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