just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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