i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
