so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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