I didn't shave. On purpose
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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