Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
