thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize