If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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