Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
