You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize