honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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