God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
