This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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