How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
