is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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