see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
