Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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