No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
