Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
