I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize