You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
