I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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