Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize