can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
