Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize