I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
