Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
