I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
