new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize