i just had sex bonerless
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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