i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
