does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
