Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sarcasm needs its own font
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
