The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize