Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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