i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
