did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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