Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
