i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
