I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
