on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
