so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
