I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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