I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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