So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
