when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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