Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
nutella sex= disaster
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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