Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think my moral compass just broke
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
