people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
