that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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