Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
