I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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