i think my tv is drunk
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
