Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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