hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
