Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
