So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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