My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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