My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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