Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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