So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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