I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
