Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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