I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
