He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize