i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
