i just sent this text using only my big toe
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
