the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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