oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
