I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
