We named our party play list daddy issues
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
