summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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